A Break from Sports. The Muppets Remake the Princess Bride

Thanks to my daughter, Emma, who came up with this idea, I present the cast of a remake of The Princess Bride.  The cast is, of course, the Muppets.

 

Robin the Frog as the Grandson

Gonzo as Grandfather/Narrator

Kermit the Frog as Westley

Miss Piggy as Buttercup, the Princess Bride

Pepe the Prawn as Inigo Montoya

Sweetums as Fezzik

Link Hogthrob as Prince Humperdink

Rizzo the Rat at Vezzini

Uncle Deadly as Count Rugen

Honeydew and Beaker as The Albino (and his assistant)

Rowlf as Miracle Max

Janice as Valerie

Swedish Chef as the Very Impressive Clergyman

Statler and Waldorf as the Ancient Boer(s)

Fozzie as Yellin

Floyd Pepper as The King

Annie Sue as the Queen

My Idea of Bowl Game Reform

 Bowls must fit the following criteria:

1. Must be played in a warm-weather city, unless played in the afternoon.
2. Must be played in a stadium whose primary use is football.  Can be a dual-use or multi-use stadium as long as college or professional football is regularly played at the stadium.
3. Must be played in a stadium with more than 34,999 regular seats
4. Most only be one bowl game played at the stadium

This will eliminate the following 13 bowls or slots for 26 teams This fits along with what happened in 2022. 8 teams for the playoffs.  17 teams were 6-6 or worse.  Here are the bowls elmiminated.

Myrtle Beach Bowl (Stadium Size)
New Orleans Bowl (Multiple Bowls)
Cheez-Its Bowl (Multiple Bowls)
Guaranteed Rate Bowl (Baseball Stadium)
Camellia Bowl (Stadium Size)
Hawaii Bowl (Stadium Size)
Boca Raton Bowl (Stadium Size)
Fenway Bowl (Baseball Stadium)
First Responder Bowl (Stadium Size)
Lending Tree Bowl (Stadium Size)
Gasparilla Bowl (Multiple Bowls)
Bahamas Bowl (Stadium Size)
Frisco Bowl (Soccer Stadium)

Bowl Games that would still be played but could be moved different stadiums:

Military Bowl to M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore from Navy-Marine Corps Stadium in Annapolis due to stadium size.
Holiday Bowl to Snapdragon Stadium from PetCo Park to move from a baseball stadium to a football stadium
Pinstripe Bowl to MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey from Yankee Stadium to move from a baseball stadium to a football stadium.  (The game could also move to SHI Stadium in Rutgers, New Jersey)
Cure Bowl to FBC Mortgage Stadium from Exploria stadium to move from a soccer stadium to a football stadium

Contingent Bowl games that could be organized if there are not enough bowl games for all 7-5 teams.  In some years, there may not be enough bowls for all 7-5 teams with this current list.  Each conference could have a contingency for such, provided the game is played in a stadium that will qualify.  According to applying the future playoffs in these years 

Bowl Eligibility.  7 wins and a winning record in conference will lead to an automatic qualification.  7 wins would make a team eligible but now guaranteed.  6-6 will be eligible if there are no other 7 win teams available.

Now, I have gone through an exercise to see if this will work based upon the 2022-23 bowl season.  There are some problems with this.  Mostly that there are only two independents remaining after the latest conference realignment, namely Army and Notre Dame, the latter who pals with the ACC.  Conferences will be larger, but playing with the same number of games.  I found that eliminating bowl games based upon stadium size will mostly hurt Conference USA and the Sun Belt.  That will be balanced by the number of teams from power conferences making the playoffs.

I learned that some secondary bowls from power conferences like the Gator Bowl and the Sun Bowl may end up on the short end of the stick.  This was my fourth iteration.  On the first iteration, I had South Alabama going to the Gator Bowl.  I guarantee that will never happen.  I think it is more likely that the Sun Bowl and Independence Bowl are more likely to go away than the Bahamas Bowl. 

The smaller G-5 conferences will have trouble.  The smaller bowls that play in smaller stadiums were created 

How it could have worked this year

College football playoffs

First Round Bye (Top 4 conference champions)

1. Georgia
2. Michigan
3. Clemson
4. Utah

Other Qualifiers

TCU
Ohio State
Alabama
Kansas State
Tennessee
USC
Penn State
Tulane

These take the Rose Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, Peach Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Sugar Bowl and Orange Bowl

Other Bowls

Cure Bowl-Orlando, Florida
Affiliations: Sun Belt vs. Conference USA
Matchup: Coastal Carolina vs. UTSA

Las Vegas Bowl-Las Vegas, Nevada
Affiliations: PAC-12 vs. SEC
Matchup: Oregon State vs. BYU

Los Angeles Bowl-Los Angeles, California
Affiliations: Mountain West vs. PAC-12
Matchup: Fresno State vs. South Alabama

New Mexico Bowl-Albuquerque, New Mexico
Affiliations: Mountain West vs. American
Matchup: Wyoming vs. East Carolina

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl-Boise, Idaho
Affiliation: Mountain West vs. MAC
Matchup: Boise State vs. Toledo

Armed Forces Bowl-Fort Worth, Texas
Affiliation: Conference USA vs. American
Matchup: North Texas vs. SMU

Independence Bowl-Shreveport, Louisiana
Affiliation: American vs. 
Matchup: Houston vs. Wake Forest

Quick Lane Bowl-Detroit, Michigan
Affiliation: MAC vs. Big 10
Matchup: Eastern Michigan vs. Marshall

Birmingham Bowl-Birmingham, Alabama
Affiliation: American vs. Conference USA
Matchup: Troy vs. Middle Tennessee

Military Bowl-Baltimore, Maryland
Affiliation: American vs. ACC
Matchup: Cincinnati vs. North Carolina

Liberty Bowl-Memphis, Tennessee
Affiliation: SEC vs. Big 12
Matchup Mississippi State vs. Liberty

Holiday Bowl-San Diego, California
Affiliation: PAC-12 vs. ACC
Matchup: Oregon vs. Norte Dame

Texas Bowl-Houston, Texas
Affiliation:  Big 12 vs. SEC
Matchup: Texas Tech vs. Ole Miss

Pinstripe Bowl-East Rutherford, New Jersey
Affiliation: Big 10 vs. ACC
Matchup:  Maryland vs. Duke

Alamo Bowl-San Antonio, Texas
Affiliation: PAC-12 vs. Big 12
Matchup: Washington vs. Texas

Duke's Mayo Bowl-Charlotte, North Carolina
Affiliation: ACC vs. Big 10
Matchup: Florida State vs. Iowa

Sun Bowl-El Paso, Texas
Affiliation: Pac 12 vs ACC
Matchup: UCLA vs. Louisville

Gator Bowl-Jacksonville, Florida
Affiliation: ACC vs. SEC
Matchup: NC State vs. Central Florida

Arizona Bowl-Tucson, Arizon
Affiliation: MWC vs. MAC
Matchup: Air Force vs. Toledo

Music City Bowl-Memphis, Tennessee
Affiliation: Big 10 vs SEC
Matchup: Minnesota vs. Arkansas*

ReliaQuest Bowl-Tampa, Florida
Affiliation: SEC vs. Big 10
Matchup: South Carolina vs. Illinois

Citris Bowl-Orlando, Florida
Affiliation: SEC vs. Big 10
Matchup LSU vs. Purdue

Number of 6-6 teams: 1

Invitations by Conference

American Athletic Conference

Playoff:
Tulane

Guaranteed Affiliated (7-5 or better with a winning conference record)
Central Florida (Gator vs. NC State) 
Cincinnati (Military vs North Carolina)
SMU (Armed Forces vs. North Texas)
Houston (Independence vs. Wake Forest)

At-Large (7-5 or better, but sub-500 in conference play)
East Carolina (New Mexico vs. Wyoming)

Eligible (6-6)
Memphis

Atlantic Coast Conference:

Playoff (Invited to participate in the college football playoff)
Clemson

Guaranteed Affiliated (7-5 or better with a winning conference record)
Florida State (Duke's Mayo vs. Iowa)
North Carolina (Military  vs Cincinnati)
Duke (Pinstripe vs. Maryland)

At-Large (7-5 or better, but sub-500 in conference play)
Louisville (Sun vs. UCLA)
NC State (Gator vs. East Carolina)
Wake Forest (Independence vs. Houston)

Eligible (6-6)
Syracuse 

Big 12

Playoff
TCU
Kansas State

Guaranteed Affiliated
Texas (Alamo vs. Washington)
Texas Tech (Texas vs. Ole Miss)

Eligible
Baylor
Kansas
Oklahoma

Big Ten

Playoff
Ohio State
Michigan
Penn State

Guaranteed Affiliated
Purdue (Citrus vs LSU)
Illinois (ReliaQuest vs South Carolina)
Iowa (Duke's Mayo vs Florida State)
Minnesota (Music City vs Arkansas)

At-Large 
Maryland (Pinstripe vs. Duke)

Eligible
Wisconsin

Conference USA

Guaranteed Affiliated
UTSA (Cure vs. Coastal Carolina)
North Texas (Armed Forces vs. Central Florida)
Western Kentucky (New Mexico vs. SMU)
Middle Tennessee (Birmingham vs. Troy)

Eligible
UAB

Independents

At-Large
Notre Dame (Holiday vs. Oregon)
Liberty (Liberty Bowl vs. Mississippi State)
BYU (Las Vegas vs. Oregon State)

Eligible
New Mexico State
Army

Mid-American Conference

Guaranteed Affiliated
Ohio (Potato vs. Boise State)
Toledo (Arizona vs. Air Force)
Eastern Michigan (Quick Lane vs Marshall)

Eligible
Buffalo
Bowling Green
Miami (OH)

Mountain West Conference

Guaranteed Affiliated
Fresno State (LA vs. South Alabama)
Boise State (Potato vs. Ohio)
Wyoming (New Mexico vs. East Carolina)
Air Force (Arizona vs. Toledo)

Eligible
San Diego State
San Jose State
Utah State 

PAC-12

Playoff
Utah
USC

Guaranteed Affiliated
Washington (Alamo vs. Texas)
Oregon (Holiday vs. Notre Dame)
Oregon State (Las Vegas vs. BYU)
UCLA (Sun vs. Louisville)

Eligible
Washington State

SEC

Playoff
Georgia
Alabama
Tennessee

Guaranteed Affiliated
LSU (Citrus vs. Purdue)
Mississippi State (Liberty vs. Liberty)
Ole Miss (Texas vs. Texas Tech)
South Carolina (ReliaQuest vs. Illinois)

Eligible
Arkansas (Music City vs. Minnesota)
Kentucky 
Florida
Missouri

Sun Belt

Guaranteed Affiliated
Coastal Carolina (Cure vs. Kentucky)
Marshall (Quick Lane vs. Eastern Michigan)
Troy (Birmingham vs. Middle Tennessee)
South Alabama (LA vs. Fresno State)

Eligible
Appalachian State
Georgia Southern
Southern Mississippi

Transitioning-Not Eligible  If they were eligible, no 6-6 teams would get bowl invites.
James Madison

Thoughts on the College National Championship

Well, that was fun.  If you are a Georgia Bulldogs fan.  Otherwise, the Bulldogs won by a score more typical of a top-rate FBS school normally defeats a mid-level FCS school.  TCU was supposed to be a better opponent.  But they didn't bring their A game.  When the final gun sounded, UGA had a 58 point game.  Was it a true National Championship?

At the risk of being a critic, I must point out that the TCU Horned Frogs were not even the champion of the Big 12 Conference.  Kansas State was.  But the Wildcats didn't do so well against the SEC in the Sugar Bowl.  There were weaknesses found in the TCU armor before the end of the season.  November wasn't so good.  Beside the loss to KSU, the Frogs fended off upset bids from Texas Tech, Texas and Baylor.  They struggled in all phases of the game, but maintained their high ranking.  A 12 team playoff likely would have eliminated the Frogs in the round of 4, if they had gotten past Tulane in the first round.  (See this link.)

I suspect that if this game were played again, it would be a close one.  TCU now understands that there is a difference between preparing for a bowl game and preparing for a playoff.  In the final analysis, it can be said in short that TCU wasn't prepared.

The Big 12 finished 2-7 in bowl season.  They did not have a good showing at all.  One of those wins was TCU's shootout win over Michigan as well as the blowout loss to Georgia.  The other was Texas Tech's win over Ole Miss in the Texas Bowl, which started with a touching tribute to the late Mike Leach.

If you include the future four of the Big 12, the conference adds 2 wins and and 2 losses to the conference with BYU's narrow win over SMU and Houston's win over Louisiana.  (Go/Geaux Cougars)  While Cincinnati and Central Florida found themselves on the wrong end of not so close games.  Those departing the Big 12 for the SEC didn't fare so well either.  Texas and Oklahoma both lost close games.

The American, ACC, Independents, MAC and SEC had winning bowl records by conference.  C-USA was .500.  The other conferences lost more than they won.

I am not putting too much stock into bowl performances.  With players opting out, focusing on finals, accumulation of injuries, and coaching changes, bowls don't mean what they used to.  But I will have more on that in future posts.

Where The Major Sports Leagues Will Next Expand and/or Move

List of largest markets without sports teams in each of the 5 top-tier leagues in the United State.  *Denotes a city where a franchise was once located but either moved or folded.

Largest 10 US Metros without Major League Soccer

1. Detroit
2. Phoenix
3. Cleveland
4. San Diego
5. Tampa/St. Petersburg* (Tampa Bay Mutiny folded in 2001)
6. Sacramento
7. Pittsburgh
8. San Antonio
9. Indianapolis
10. Las Vegas

Las Vegas is larger than:

Cincinnati
Nashville--Now the smallest market for Major League Soccer

Note: No Canadian Cities without Major League Soccer are large enough to appear to this list.  

MLS is currently at 29 teams.  A planned expansion to Sacramento fell through during the pandemic.  My hunch is that Detroit, Phoenix, San Diego and/or San Antonio are next to bring the league to 32 teams.  

Largest 10 US Markets without Major League Baseball

1. Orlando
2. Portland
3. Charlotte
4. Salt Lake City
5. Sacramento
6. San Antonio
7. Austin
8. Columbus
9. Indianapolis
10. Las Vegas

Las Vegas is larger than:

Cincinnati--Now the smallest market for Major League Baseball

Note: If Canadian cities were included, Montreal, home of the Expos until 2004, would be the largest city on this list.

Baseball has said they will not discuss expansion until stadiums in Oakland and Tampa are worked out.  Tampa really would not have to move very far if they use Orlando as a stopping off point.  Nashville, which is not large enough to make this list is making a bid for the Rays.  Charlotte would also work. It appears, however, that the Rays will find a way to stay put. 

Many assume the A's will head to Las Vegas, but there are better cities on this list.  But from what I can tell, the A's to Vegas is about 80% a done deal.  The site planned for the stadium will work, there is an intermediate venue plan.  But there are infrastructure issues like a plan for traffic, parking and sewer and water systems  There are better markets. Portland has an aging old mall east of the Rose district that would make a great site for a new stadium and should be the more logical next city for the A's.  Sacramento would also work.  Salt Lake City has a sports fanatic with tons of money to throw around.

As for expansion, my guess for the next baseball cities would be Charlotte and Salt Lake should the A's land in Portland and the Rays go inland.  San Antonio and Austin are also promising baseball cities.

Largest 10 US Markets without the National Footba1l League

1. Orlando
2. Portland
3. San Diego* (Chargers moved to Los Angeles in 2017)
4. St. Louis* (Rams moved to Los Angeles in 2016)
5. Salt Lake City
6. Sacramento
7. San Antonio*** (San Antonio was the temporary home of the New Orleans Saints in 2005 for 3 games)
8. Austin
9. Columbus
10. Raleigh

Raleigh is larger than:

Jacksonville
New Orleans
Buffalo
Green Bay--Now the smallest market for the National Football League

Many want to see the NFL expand to London.  Logistically this will not work unless an entire division can be located in Europe.  Teams are now chartering two airplanes when they travel.  Travel to London for 8 teams every year will be expensive.  A division in Europe would solve logistical issues for nearly half the season.

Giving San Diego and St Louis teams again I think is the next logical step if the NFL decides to expand.  San Antonio, Austin and Columbus would also work very well for future NFL franchises.

Largest 10 US Markets without the National Basketball Association

1. Seattle* (Sonics moved to Oklahoma City in 2008)
2. Tampa/St. Petersburg*** (St. Petersburg was the temporary home of the Toronto Raptors in 2020-21)
3. San Diego* (Clippers moved to Los Angeles in 1984)
4. St. Louis* (Hawks moved to Atlanta in 1968)
5. Pittsburgh** (ABA Pittsburgh Condors folded in 1972)
6. Austin
7. Columbus
8. Kansas City* (Kings moved to Sacramento in 1985)
9. Las Vegas
10. Cincinnati* (Royals moved to Kansas City/Omaha in 1972.  Team is now the Sacramento Kings.)

Cincinnati is larger than

Milwaukee
Oklahoma City
Memphis
New Orleans--Now the smallest market in the National Basketball Association

The next two cities for NBA expansion seem logical to me...Seattle and Tampa.  There is a push to put a team in Louisville, but as you can see, there are a lot of teams without basketball that are larger than Louisville.  Austin and Columbus would be very nice NBA cities.  Virginia Beach, which is also not large enough to be on this list could also be a good place for the NBA to land.  

However, many are starting to think the 82 game season is too long, there is too much tanking and there are other issues that the NBA has to work out first before expanding.  Once the NBA figures out their scheduling problems, then they can work on expansion.

Largest 10 US Markets without the National Hockey League

1. Houston
2. Atlanta* (Flames moved to Calgary in 1980. Thrashers moved to Winnipeg in 2011.)
3. Orlando
4. Cleveland** (Barons folded in 1978)
5. Portland
6. Charlotte
7. Salt Lake City
8. Sacramento
9. San Antonio
10. Austin

Austin is larger than

Columbus
Las Vegas
Raleigh
Nashville
Buffalo-->The smallest US city with an NHL team.
Ottawa
Calgary
Edmonton
Winnipeg--Now the smallest market in the National Hockey League

Note: The largest Canadian cities not on this are not large enough to appear on this list.

If Canada gets another team, I think a 2nd team in Toronto is the most logical place.  It would be more likely to succeed than Quebec City or Hamilton.  

The situation with the Coyotes needs to be solved before expansion in the US is considered.  Kansas City is often mentioned in Hockey expansion articles, but they do not make this list.  It's not that Kansas City is a bad sports town.  I think the NHL moving the Coyotes to Kansas City would be a good move.  Not all of the cities are good for hockey. These cities, except for Cleveland, are simply growing faster than KC. San Antonio and Austin do not appear to be hockey towns.  Same with Orlando.  Portland and Salt Lake City appear to be the next best targets for Hockey beyond Houston.  If baseball beats hockey to Salt Lake, then Sacramento would be a good place.

Markets with multiple teams in the same league

New York
MLS: NYFC, New York Red Bulls
MLB: New York Yankees, New York Mets
NBA: New York Knicks, Brooklyn Nets
NFL: New York Giants, New York Jets
NHL: New York Rangers, New York Islanders, New Jersey Devils

Los Angeles
MLS: Los Angeles Galaxy, LAFC
MLB: Los Angeles Dodgers, Los Angels Angels
NBA: Los Angeles Lakers, Los Angeles Clippers
NFL: Los Angeles Rams, Los Angeles Chargers
NHL: Los Angeles Kings, Anaheim Ducks

Washington/Baltimore
MLB: Washington Nationals, Baltimore Orioles
NFL: Washington Commanders, Baltimore Ravens

Chicago
MLB: Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox

San Francisco/San Jose/Oakland
MLB: San Francisco Giants, Oakland Athletics

Largest 20 Markets without any major sports franchises

1. Virginia Beach/Norfolk/Newport News, Virginia
2. Greensboro/Winston-Salem, North Carolina
3. Providence, Rhode Island
4. Richmond, Virginia
5. Louisville, Kentucky
6. Greenville, South Carolina
7. Hartford, Connecticut
8. Grand Rapids, Michigan
9. Birmingham, Alabama
10. Fresno, California
11. Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
12. Fort Meyers, Florida
13. Albany, New York
14. Rochester, New York
15. Knoxville, Tennessee
16. Albuquerque, New Mexico
17. Tulsa, Oklahoma
18. Tucson, Arizona
19. El Paso, Texas
20. Sarasota, Florida